Tumbara (image source from Wikipedia)
Jusa and Cayden were twin brothers, both known as fiercest warriors
from their village called the Caidmens. Growing up in the Caidmens and being
raised by the village, helped them become warriors of their village to provide
maximal protection. At the age of 12, they lost their parents to a monster
named Grudle.
The village had a very prominent army of warriors. The toughest
of the tough. The bravest of the brave. The tallest wall to protect them from
anything.
At the age of 12, Jusa and Cayden were playing outside of the
village borders without their parents knowing. As the parents were searching for their kids,
they came in contact with Grudle. He was this most disgusting, blood sucking, cheetah
skinned human eater. What was crazy that he was known to be a myth. They never
expected to see a man eater in real life.
Grudle saw the man and woman wandering outside the village and
abducted them. He ran straight to the bushes with them to be skinned alive.
The kids heard noises around the bush and saw Grudle eat
their parents alive. They were completely terrified and ran back to the village
to save their lives.
Jusa and Cayden warned the villagers but knew there was
nothing they could have done but to become the strongest warriors to kill
Grudle.
12 years later, they were on the hunt of this ferocious
beast that killed their parents as a kid. They heard rumors that Grudle was 75 miles
north from their village, so they began to hunt.
The hunt took 2 years to find Grudle because he was everywhere.
They finally spotted him. He was near this small village where this family was
prepping dinner. They had a small pit of fire lit to keep the monsters away. Jusa
threw his spear at Grudle, hoping it’ll aim at his heart, but it aimed at his arm.
Grudle did not bleed nor was he injured. Cayden shot an arrow straight to his
chest and there was still no blood shed. No object could have harmed him.
Grudle spotted Jusa and Cayden and attacked them. He had the
brothers twisted and locked up in both his arms, by the neck. He was so strong that
it felt impossible for the brothers to injure him. Grudle explains “No object
can kill me. No harm can ever come to me because I am immortal. You are wasting
your time and life”.
Cayden eventually slipped out and decided to shoot him with an
arrow with fire. It aimed straight to his chest and he screamed. Grudle did not
expect to ever feel pain, but he did. He never realized fire was his weakness.
Jusa got his spear and lit it with fire to aim at his heart. His body was
slowly scorching on fire.
The brothers threw the monsters into the pit of fire. He was
a demon that needed to be sent straight back to hell.
Authors note: The story I used was Ramayanha: Viradha. He was this nasty beast that ate live flesh to stay alive. He abducted Sita and was killed by Rama and Lakshmana. The beast could not have been harmed by any object, but could be injured by ripping his body apart. Rama killed him and threw him in the pits to suffer. Little did they know, he was a Tumburu, a gandharva that was cursed to be living in Viradha's body. It was his faith to be killed by Rama and have his soul released into heaven.
You do a very good job of describing the events- I could actually imagine myself there. After reading the author's note I realized the similarities between the Rama version, so it was also a good unsuspecting creative twist. Some background on Grudle would have been interesting and added to the story, but I do not think this took away from it. Knowing if Grudle had a family? What is was like? Why is he liked that? Just some more details on things like that. Really well-written and look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteI love how your turned caimans into Caidmans. It was a fun trick on words! I was reading the story realizing there was something very familiar, then I got to the authors note. I love how you transformed the Rama story into a completely different version. I had no idea other than a slight inkling. This version really shows the true evil of the demon since the Rama version is so focused on Rama and his accomplishments. I enjoyed that change. I wonder why he never realized fire was his weakness. Had he killed everyone else before they were able to try fire arrows because he was so strong? The boys had trained for 12 years just to fight him, so I would hope they stood a better fight than most he faced. You wrote a great story! I am so glad I was able to read it!
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy!
ReplyDeleteI didn't read the PDE version of the Ramayana, and so both this and the original story were very new to me. That being said, I didn't really feel like I needed much backstory to understand and enjoy yours! One thing I would say is that in your author's note you could perhaps connect which characters represented who in the original for the reader to better understand. I think you really painted great pictures of both Grudle and the scenes that took place throughout the story though!
Hi Tracy! I liked your version of the story Viradha. At first I thought this story was going to be like a "boy who cried wolf" when the boys went back to their village to let the villagers know about the Grudle. I liked how you gave background of the boys when they were 12 to explain why the were going to fight Grudle. I think that if you added more information about Grudle it would make the story more complete!
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy~
ReplyDeleteI was really impressed by the length of your story. I sometimes have a hard time hitting the 300 word minimum. You were able to get in quite a bit of detail that helped make the story play out in my mind. I was wondering though why the village warriors weren't able to save the parents from Grudle when the brothers were kids? Were the warriors not allowed to go outside the walls? I guess if no one thought that there would be a man eating monster there wouldn't be a need for warriors to be around to protect the parents. Maybe adding a few words to clear that up could help keep it all flowing. When I read stories I always question why things are happening. Usually the answers come later in the story so I have to remind myself to just go with what's happening at the moment. Thanks for writing!
I thought this sounded familiar! It wasn’t until I got the end and then your author’s note that I figured out why. I found it interesting that Sita was not any part of this story, and that may have been what threw me off in the first place. I’m curious about the pit he was thrown in, did they light it or was it on fire from Grudle already being on fire? Just a simple little detail I was wondering about. I’m not sure how the kids escaped when they were little, unless he was just that distracted with eating their parents? I would suggest adding a sentence in there to clarify that. Also, I really like your description of Grudle, especially him being cheetah-skinned. That brought an interesting image to mind. Overall, I thought it was a very interesting rewrite. I liked all of the name choices as well.
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy! I really like your version of the Ramayana story. I thought the story sounded familiar, but couldn't figure it out until your author notes! I especially liked how you were able to create a setting in the audience's mind. It really helped carry the story. I would like to know why fire was the creature's weakness. Is it because he is truly a demon or are there other creatures like him with different weaknesses? You could maybe write a story about that. For another story, you may be able to tell it from the beast's point of view. It can be like he thought the humans were bad guys or something. Add a twist. For instance, the beast can actually be the good guy and the warriors are the ones who have the story all wrong. Like their parents were hunting the beast's parents so he had to kill them in order to be safe. Or the parents killed the Beast's parents so he killed them out of revenge. Overall, great story!
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI like the image you chose, it was a nice attention grabber! I really like the way you describe Grundle. It painted a sharp vivid image of what Grundle looked like. I like how the story came full circle and the characters were clever enough to finally slay the beast with fire. I like the story you chose since not very many people would pick a story like this. I like your creative take on the story and your expansion on it. Great Work!