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Growth Mindset: Beyond School
Cute Pomeranian to Brighten Smiles (image source from Wikipedia ) I wanted to make my final post about growth mindset beyond school. I ...
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Hey there! I just wanted to talk about myself. My name is Tracy Nguyen and I am currently graduating this semester with Health ... -
Tumbara (image source from Wikipedia ) Jusa and Cayden were twin brothers, both known as fiercest warriors from the...
Hey Tracy! You should put a link to your comment wall right on your website so readers can find it easier. Also your sentence on your homepage doesn't quite make sense to me. It says "Hello! Welcome to my Portfolio for a great advanture of short stories." I don't think the word portfolio should be capitalized and the word advanture should be spelled adventure. Maybe the sentence could be rewritten to say "Hello, welcome to my portfolio! Here you'll find adventurous short stories I wrote." or something like that. In the second sentence the word maximal is used. I had never heard of this word and it almost distracted from the story because I wondered if it was actually a word. I think a better suited, more common, word would be maximum. One sentence reads "He was THIS most disgusting..." and I think it should read "He was THE most disgusting..." The sentence that reads "It is known to be 10x..." should read "it is know to be 10 times..." You're missing a space between the end of that sentence and the next. Over all a very interesting story! Good work and I hope to read more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteHowdy Tracy,
ReplyDeleteSorry to start with a suggestion right off the bat, but I think you should put a link to your comment wall on the home page of your website, so people do not have to hunt your comment wall down. There was also a little typo in the sentence on the home page. Other than that, I think your website looks good. I love the simplicity of it.
Now to jump into the story, my favorite part about the story was probably the detailed description of the Grudle; it allowed me to come up with an exact vision of what the monster would look like. This image I had in my head leads me to my next suggestion. I had envisioned the Grudle in my head, and I had a clear picture, but then I scrolled back to the top of the page to take a better look of the picture. The picture confused me because it looked nothing like I had imaged. Then, I of course investigated more by clicking the link to read more about the photo. From the information in the link, I gathered what the photo was actually of, so I would suggest adding more information on the picture; perhaps say something about the Viradha, in original story, was a Tumbara to help settle the confusion. Overall, I thought your story was strong an it kept me interested all the way through.
Hi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the people above that linking your comment wall might make it easier for people to find it.
I really liked your story about Grudle and the two boys! I thought the amount of detail you went into when describing how the monster looked and how terrifying it was. I agree the picture didn't look as scary as I would imagine but I assume it may be hard to find a picture that fits the description. I think your story was really interesting and you set the stage for the story by explaining why the boys wanted revenge. I think it would be even better if you added more details about how they killed him and how it felt for then when they did. Maybe talk more about the impact of losing their parents. Other than that I thought you did really well and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Good afternoon, Tracy! Your story about Gurdle and the two boys was interesting. I could see how you related it to the characters in the story of the Ramayana, Rama and Lakshama. Your descriptions of the characters and their emotions were all very vivid, detailed, and easy to visualize. I was also curious to hear a little bit more of the story regarding how they defeated the beast, and the victory afterward. I also want to know more about the preparations they took to perfect their type of skill. The type of monster I visualized was frightening and, because of the description of the cheetah-like pattern, it felt familiar. I think you did a great job with this story, the only thing I would suggest would be adding more to it! I really look forward to reading more of your work as the semester progresses. Hope you have a great day!
ReplyDeleteHey Tracy. I enjoyed reading your story! Grudle sounded like a terrible monster by your detailed description. I liked hearing the story about the boys, Jusa and Cayden. Your beginning of the story was my favorite part. In some parts of your story I felt like Grudle seemed a little similar to Grendel from Beowulf. I do want to say is that I think your ending was finished too soon. I felt like there needed to be a longer fight scene between the boys and Grudle. Maybe you could add some commentary during the fight to make it seem longer. Your beginning was great and I think the text you added to describe what was happening was great. I strongly suggest you expand your ending, your story has so much potential and I enjoyed reading it. Like I said before you should work on your ending to make it seem less rushed. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story. I like your description of the monster, Grudle. I think that readers would appreciate a bit of a longer story, I sure would! The ending is a little abrupt. Maybe you should add in some dialogue. Other than that, the only advice I can think to give is, you should run through an check some of your grammar. " It is know to be 10 times stronger" should be 'it is known'. I think that Gandharva should be capitalized and I think that you meant the monster to be 'vicious'. I love that image, have you considered placing it (in a smaller size) farther down in the story, where you are describing Grudle? Like an illustration in a children's story.
Your website is easy enough to navigate, however it took me a bit to find your comment wall, did you consider giving it its own page? That way people can find it easier. I look forward to reading your other stories!
Hello there, Tracy!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your first story, "Grudle." I like how you were very detailed with the explanations of various events, as well as your description of the monster himself. Perhaps you could include some more information about his actual race. Some questions I had while initially reading: where did Grundle come from? What is his race/species called? Does he have any family or people of a similar species? I think these details could give us more of an inclination to understand him. Additonally, I would love to know some other things that took place during the 14 year period (after the parents' death). This might include some details about the boys and their training, or it might include some other terrible things the beast did so the reader is really ready to see him die. I did wonder why the brothers would try the arrow again at the end. I understand the fire was his weakness, but you could include some insight the brothers might have had before the fight. It seems to me that if I had barely broken free of the beasts' grasp, I would have been very smart about my next move. I really appreciated your picture on the page because it helped me visualize the beast quite a bit! Great first story!
Tracy, I love the picture you used for the Grudle. It looks like an ice skating horse! Too comical to really be considered a threat, but I guess that's how he lures you in. I like how you set up the backstory of the two brothers, Jusa and Cayden. In the Ramayana, Rama and Lakshmana just stumble across Viradha in the wilderness, but in your story, Jusa and Cayden actually have a reason to go hunting for this monster - they want to take revenge for their parents.
ReplyDeleteI do think the flow of the story could be filled in more. As I was reading, it seemed to just jump from one event to another, like we're following fragmented thoughts being taken down immediately as they were being thought. For instance, it was said that the village had warriors that were the toughest of the tough, but later (like 1 paragraph later), it was said that they couldn't do anything. Does that mean the village warriors just abandoned them? Then, it skips forward 12 years. What happened during the 12 years? I assume they were training, but I wish there was more detail on it. How did they train? Did they find a mentor to train them, or did they just start learning out of their own conviction for revenge?
Tracy, I appreciate how clean and concise your storybook webpage and the content are. Of the two stories, I enjoyed The Princess Salisa the most. Her story is easy to follow with love as a motive for her actions. Although, this plot line is far from new, I wonder what it would be like if the dynamic between her betrothal and her true love where brought up to date? In the Introduction of The Mahabharata, R.K. Narayan discussed the value and tradition of retelling the Indian Epics in a contemporary context. Perhaps describing an ongoing tryst between Java and Salisa and her betrothal to Himouto could be brought into a modern form free of the “chattle” nature that Salisa’s life is described as in the story. This could make the struggle more engaging and relatable to the reader.
ReplyDeleteMy feedback for your first story “Gurdle” is this: I love the image you chose, but the picture’s relevancy was lost until I read the author’s note. Perhaps an image of Gurdle or the warrior twins might set the stage for the reader by giving your audience an idea of what the characters are meant to look like.
Hi Tracy!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. Did you come up with the Grudle character yourself, or was it taken from indian mythology? Either way, I really like it. I'd like to hear your thought process and the inspirations you drew from when you were creating him. I think he is a very scary and unique creature. He reminds me of the Goatman or Wendigo or Skinwalker from native american mythology. The idea of human-animal hybrids always freaks me out.
I liked that you gave the characters motivation in the opening, motivation is arguably the most important element of character creation. Characters need to care about something in order to be relatable and believable, so you did a very good job in that regard.
My only complaint is that the story was a little short. I would have enjoyed it more if you had made it a little longer and perhaps added more detail.
Overall good job! I really enjoyed this story, I look forward to reading more of your stuff.
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI liked the image you used in your story, and also liked your depiction of the Grudle. Reflecting back on the original story, I like how you started out with a background story which provided the brothers with some anger behind their revenge. I also liked how unique you made the brother's names. I feel like names are an essential aspect to any story. Might I suggest adding some descriptive characteristics to each character, so your audience can create more of a mental image. It would also be cool to describe where the village was located and what it looked like. One question I have pertains to how the Grudle was unaware his entire existence that fire was his weakness. Was he cursed and that is why he never knew? Or maybe did he mostly live in areas of open water, where fire is harder to reach? Great job on your story Tracy!
I enjoyed your story very much. I also enjoyed the revenge that took place with the brother and the monster Grudle. I thought you story progression was really good and it flowed well. I especially like the fact that you put so much detail into the beginning of the story that helped set the scene for the two brothers as they began to hunt down Grudle. Without that, I don’t think it would have flowed nicely, nor would it have sense why the brother were going after Grudle. I also enjoyed the pride characteristic you gave Grundle. His pride and ego get in the way and are eventually his downfall. It really adds to the story and ties it together. It also makes you root for Jusa and Cayden because they have seen what this monster can do. They also have the extra determination to get back at Grudle because of what he has done to their family.
ReplyDeleteHey Tracy! I really enjoyed the story of Grudle because of how you took the original story, Ramayana: Viradha and made it your own. I think the imagery you used and descriptive details about Grudle himself and the twin brothers was nice because it allowed the reader to picture the scene much better and understand what was happening throughout the story, but I would suggest adding even more details such as about the brothers or more information even before the brothers were born concerning Grudle before the time of your story. I think this would give your story more depth and add to the backstory as well. However, besides that, I think this story was awesome and am excited to see your entire Portfolio complete to read the entire thing!
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI like your creative take on the story of Amba. I like that you were true to the original story and did it justice. I liked that you changed the names. That was really fun! I like the parallels between your story and the original. I wanted to note that when you said "king of Soho" in the first paragraph that the word king should be capitalized to say "King of Soho". I like the paragraph lengths you have and the flow of the story was cohesive and easy to follow along. I like how detailed you got in your writing. It really paints a vivid image if your story especially when describing Salisa in her trying times. Your Author's Note also gave a clear and good summary of the original story that inspired your writing. I read you first story for a blog comment and I really like that one too and your take on it. Overall, great writing!
Hi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI liked your stories!
In your second paragraph of “Grudle,” it sounds like you’re describing the warriors as the “tallest wall,” but I’m pretty sure you meant an actual wall, given the next paragraph. Maybe separate that out somehow so it doesn’t sound like the warriors are a metaphorical wall? (Also, in paragraph 3, the phrase “what was crazy” feels somewhat out of place and took me out of the story. Maybe find a phrase that has more of the same style as the rest of the story?)
You seem to have a penchant for stories about brothers – do you have siblings yourself?
In the fourth paragraph of “Princess Salisa,” maybe change “Three months have passed by and it was the wedding day.” to “Three months passed by and the wedding day arrived” for better tense agreement. It was an interesting change in this story that you gave “King Java” residual feelings for Salisa (Amba); every other version I’ve read so far in this class has emphasized his heartlessness.
Best,
A.M.
Hi Tracy!
ReplyDeleteI loved getting to read your stories! I think you do a great job of grabbing the readers attention right off the bat, which is something I always look for. There were a few small gramatical errors I noticed, but nothing too distracting. For instance, when you are introducing the character Grudle, you say, "this" instead of "the" to describe "the most disgusting...". It is really helpful to me to read my story out loud at least once when I finish it. It helps me to slow down and notice all my little grammar mistakes before I publish it. Although, I still miss some sometimes!
I really appreciated how you worked to make this story a little more understandable to the reader because looking back on when I read this story, I remember it took me a lot longer than the others did. Really great job overall! I hope I get to read more of your stories in the future!
I read Grudle and truly had the most enjoyable experience. Truly happy I got the opportunity to read this story. The characters were fun. The one thing I'd ask is that I'd like to see more dialog. I want to know what was said between the monster and the brothers. I think it would definitely add to the story. You could even add more detail that way. I noticed that you have a lot of detail in your story. So mixing up the way it's delivered would be nice.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the story and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hey Tracy!
ReplyDeleteYour stories are easy to read in the current layout, and it's clear you chose each image specific to your story. I read the first story "Grudle" when it was on your blog site before, and I love how you expanded on it to give each character more depth! I also like that your Author's Note really connects the characters to the original story and thus also gives us a better understanding of how you shaped and changed it up to make it your own. One thing I would suggest is perhaps splitting the dialogue up from the rest of the story in "Salisa". I think it would make the characters' words stand out a bit more, because they seem like important parts of the story. It also makes it a bit easier to read. Overall though, I like how you've made these stories your own, including incorporating some really cool names!
Hi there Tracy! I read both your stories and enjoyed them both. Grudle was an interesting demon and "bad-guy" of the story. He sounds super scary and the stuff of childhood nightmares! I was slightly confused by the photo. Is the green creature supposed to be the demon Gudle? The creature in the photo looks very nice and pleasant, but the demon sounds scary. So I wasn't sure. I also liked your story about Princess Salisa! Funny thing is the photo for that story actually looks like a Man-Eater! I can't remember how that original story ends, but I really enjoyed your ending. I wonder what happens next though? Does she become reborn but is burned and ugly? Does she get the guy? Maybe we will see in your next story. I will check back to see! Great stories! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy! I enjoyed your blog and more specifically, the story about Grudle. I do like how you introduced the two brothers in the beginning and also educated us on their background. I also enjoyed how you introduced Grudle and explained that he was believed to be a myth, so his appearance was even more shocking to the parents. The parents also acted in a typical way by searching for their kids who were out playing around a little too late. I think your story is also great because it is not a typical story where the heroes kill the bad guy in the first try, but instead it takes them multiple tries to become successful and discover Grudle's weakness. Great job and I look forward to reading your other stories!
ReplyDeleteTracy,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love the image you chose for your banner. I also like your sentence on the homepage. As for your story, I read Princess Salisa. I liked how you highlighted how unfair it is for women to be forced to marry a man, and I liked how the protagonist subconsciously fought this system by cheating. I will say that did make it hard to root for her, but I can understand why she did it. There were some grammatical letters throughout the story like a missing ‘e’ in the, but overall, it was a really interesting story. I was pretty shocked by the ending as I hadn’t read the original version. I am glad she gets a chance to be reborn, but I am annoyed that she is still going through all of this nonsense for a man. I probably would have liked the ending better if she went on to live her own independent life, but that’s all preference. Either way, great job!
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI read The Truth, which now that I think about it, is a great name. Instead of it being about some sort of mystery or actual truth, it is about the marvelous kingdom, Truth. I think that's a cool way to do it. One thing that I noticed throughout the story was your creativity with the names of the heroes and names of the villains. More could be done to show some of their features instead of describing or saying that they looked a certain way. I also noticed a few spelling/grammar errors throughout the story that could be cleaned up super quickly. Another thing that I think that I saw, but could be wrong, were some changes in verb tense where is kind of switched from present to past. But I really liked the story and like how it was connected in a way to the Grudle story!
Hi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteYour stories were really simply put and that was great because it gives a better understanding of what stories are being represented. It was straight and to the point. All of the stories seemed to be just retelling them with a small twist, which was really cool because it was like a game to look for the new piece of information. The only thing that I suggest is that you expand on your author's note in the "The Truth" story. You only really mentioned what the story was based on and not how you changed it, retold it, or made it any bit different. Other than that, just make sure all of your spelling, grammar, and punctuation are correct! Your stories were great and the images were really unique! I enjoyed both the stories and visuals a lot! Great job, Tracy! I look forward to seeing if anything else is added or just the final product!
Hello Tracy! I will preface this feedback by saying that I am very picky and you should not take everything I say to heart. From my first impressions of your home page, I think we could do better on the title. The gray image with the plain title leaves a boring taste in my mouth. On to your first story, Grudle, I think the image needs to be sized down. It should not take your reader nearly three scrolls to push through the opening image. Also, there is way too much space between your paragraphs. The lines being separated this much makes the page look blank and is overall harder to read than if it all flowed. I feel the ending could be reworked. "After having brawled with the beast, Cayden slipped out and shot a flaming arrow straight at the beast's chest. Grudle, having thought he was invincible, was shocked to find that fire was his weakness. Jusa utilized this weakness and threw his spear to pierce Grudle's heart. The beast's body fell, engulfed by flame." This would be better and more flowy.
ReplyDeleteHi Tracy!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your stories. Most of my suggestions are for aesthetics. I liked your portfolio's intro page image, but I would try editing the portfolio itself a bit. I think some more color would be more alluring. But if you like this color scheme, some other tips are centering the wording, bolding the font, or enlarging the font. Honestly some people like more monochromatic looks and I liked it with your picture, but it can look kind of plain at first glance hence my suggestions. This isn't a huge deal though. In your 'The Truth, I would try reducing the image size or picking a clearer picture. To the reader, it is kind of grainy which takes away from the story.
I liked your story 'The Truth' but I would try to change your sentences up a bit. Some transition words or rearrangement of words. I felt like many started with a subject "He, They, Hayden, Vasop, etc). I think more complex sentences (and vocab) would enhance the story. Even simple words like "beautiful" but using an online thesaurus. Also, I would try using quotes or have some interactions between the characters. It would help make the story more personal as it is coming from third-person.
Overall, I still really enjoyed everything and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Tracy!
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I like the basis for your stories. One thing I would fix, would be the flow of your stories. You are good with details and with how you want the story to go, but I feel as if your sentences are a bit too choppy. Another thing, I would flip the order of your stories if you can. I would put "The Truth" second and "Princess Salisa" third. I understand that it is like this due to the order that you wrote them in, but it is kind off odd to flip back and forth when reading all of them during one sit-down. One question: why did you use a picture of Tumbara in your "Grudle" story? I didn't see a mention of Tumbara in the story and Tumbara isn't the picture that you painted while describing Grudle. Overall, I think that your stories are good, they just need a little housekeeping.
Hey Tracy,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to drop in from Mythology and Folklore to check out your stories. I was very impressed overall by your unique style of writing! I felt as if someone was actually telling me the stories by a campfire, great job. Additionally, I loved the story relating to women and the unfair treatment they receive. I love stories that have some deeper meanings to their theme and express those meanings clearly. That is what I consider to truly be art! Also, I liked the layout of your site and feel that it perfectly complements the stories overall. Keep doing what you are doing and I hope that you have a great rest of the semester!
Garrett